Consent education doesn't start in a college orientation session. According to a Business Insider report, parents flooded Dr. Becky Kennedy's DMs with questions about it amid the controversy around sexual assault allegations at Cornell University. Her answer: the groundwork begins in childhood, through small habits you can practice at home.
A note on this site: we usually talk about food, and the family table is where plenty of these skills get practiced. This piece steps outside the kitchen because it's a question many parents are asking. Below are the four strategies Kennedy outlined, plus ways to turn each into an ordinary moment in your week. The scenarios are my own illustrations of her ideas, not quotes from her.
1. Help him tolerate not getting what he wants
The first strategy is building a child's ability to handle hearing "no." A boy who can sit with disappointment is better prepared to accept someone else's no later, without treating it as an insult or a problem to push past.
This means you sometimes hold a boundary even when he's upset. You don't have to be harsh. You can stay warm and still not give in.
What it looks like at home
- He asks for a second dessert and the answer is no. You acknowledge the feeling ("You really wanted more, and that's disappointing") and keep the limit.
- He wants screen time while dinner is being made. You say no, and you let the grumbling happen without rescuing him from it.
- You resist the urge to fix every frustration instantly. Let him feel it and recover.
The skill being built is simple: wanting something badly and not getting it is survivable.
2. Teach him to notice other people's cues
The second strategy is helping boys pay attention to how others are feeling, including when no one says it out loud. Consent often shows up as body language, tone, or silence before it shows up as words.
Everyday practice
- At the playground, point out a quiet friend: "Did you notice Sam stopped playing? What do you think he might be feeling?"
- When a sibling is upset, ask him to look at their face and body. Does it seem like they want company or space?
- During a movie or story, pause and wonder aloud how a character is feeling and how you can tell.
Keep these as curious observations, not interrogations. You're training attention, not delivering a lecture.
3. Practice the words for speaking up
The third strategy is giving kids actual language. Boys need words for their own boundaries and words for asking for help. Knowing what to say in the moment is hard if they've never said it before.
Try rehearsing short phrases
- "Stop, I don't like that."
- "Can you check with me first?"
- "I need help."
Rehearse them in low-stakes situations, like roughhousing with a sibling or a tickle game that has gone on too long. When he says "stop," honor it right away. That teaches him his words have power, and that other people's words do too.
Make help-seeking safe
One angle worth emphasizing is creating a home where asking for help doesn't lead to punishment. If a child fears getting in trouble for telling you something uncomfortable, he'll stay quiet. Respond to hard disclosures with calm and thanks first, consequences later if they're needed at all.
4. Encourage him to go against the group
The fourth strategy is peer pressure resistance. Consent questions often arise in groups, where going along feels easier than speaking up. A boy who has practiced being the one who says "I'm not into this" is better equipped when it counts.
How to build that muscle
- Praise him when he makes a different choice from friends, even on small things like declining a game he doesn't like.
- Talk through scenarios: "If everyone's teasing someone and you don't want to join, what could you do?"
- Give him an exit plan, such as a code word he can text you to get picked up with no questions asked.
The exit-plan idea is my suggestion, not part of Kennedy's list, but it fits her goal: make the right move feel possible.
Putting it into your week
You don't need a dedicated "consent talk." Pick one strategy and look for it in the next few days:
- Monday: Hold one small no and stay calm through the reaction.
- Midweek: Ask one cue-reading question at the park or during a show.
- Weekend: Rehearse a "stop" phrase during play, and honor it instantly.
- Anytime: Notice and praise one moment when he chose differently from the crowd.
Family dinner is a natural place for the conversation pieces. Ask what he noticed about a friend's mood that day, or what he'd say if someone pushed him to do something he didn't want to do. Short and regular beats long and rare.
The takeaway
The news that prompted these questions concerns serious allegations, and no parenting technique is a guarantee. But the habits Kennedy describes are things you can start now: let him feel a no, teach him to read people, give him words, and make it safe to stand apart. Choose one this week and practice it at the next ordinary moment.
